Father Christmas gets all the good press (and carols), his dark counterpart Krampus gets ignored in all the bright lights which to my mind is unfair. To remedy this sad state of affairs I have decided to write some Krampus Carols. The first one being:
On cold winter nights
When darkness is rising
His green skin and horns
No mask is disguising.
He comes through the winter snow
Stalking the naughty
With a hunters nose
And skin that is warty.
The stench of the wicked
Does cling on like glue
If you do misbehave
He will come for you!
It came tapping one Dark December
My fire burned down into an ember
Through my window – the drapes undone
but one raven its eye, fixed unblinking
The dreary scene its mind was drinking.
I was dazed and it tapped more.
My book forgotten, fell to the floor
Long had I pondered its lost lore.
I said like my friends it will go flapping
Why oh why is that raven rapping?
Its feathers ruffled the raven spoke
“Nevermore!” it screeched - it is no joke!
I was sad and deeply stressed
Lenore is dead, I was depressed.
The bird puffed out its feathered chest
And once again said what it says best
One word is all it has its true –
It said Nevermore then did a poo!
On a bust of Pallas near my bed
Where soon I should rest my weary head!
“Begone!” I said
I became enraged and said it thrice!
I want no more of you this night
I hate your word
I hate your flight
I hate that you have midnight hue!
I despise your eye,
I hate your feathers
I loathe what comes out of your nethers!
The raven sits
It will not go
And stares at me its eyes just so
My soul lies there, twixt shadow and floor
Shall it rise up?
Kate Wilson MD of @NosyCrow said something awesome about me: Listening 2 libr’n Matt Imrie on library closures @ #scbwicon12 reminds me of brilliant @caitlinmoran piece http://t.co/n0menbs4 (https://twitter.com/NosyCrow/status/272384870146269184)